Case Study One

 Phil was born into a "highly successful and educated family". His father was a professor in chemistry and his mother a senior biochemist working for a major US multi-national pharmaceutical company.

From a very early age Phil learnt the rudiments of science and living an academic life. However, if those times could be re-played, Phil's parents would have realised that Phil didn't have the same personality as themselves.

Initially things were OK. Phil learnt to read, write, do his sums and learn many facts and figures. He managed to get more than the average number of O levels and most importantly he did well at chemistry.

Once he got to A levels, Phil began to struggle with his "chosen" subjects. He found himself sitting alongside other children who he began to feel were better at the subjects than him. Sadly, his parents still had the expectation that he'd make it to either Oxford or Cambridge University. The pressure on Phil began to grow and grow over these two important developing years. The pressure on revision and study became immense. How could he have admitted to his parents or even himself that things didn't feel right? D-day arrived and his grades were good by most people's standards but not good enough for his parents and therefore himself. He went to a top university but his parents' view was that it was only second rate.

He found himself unable to make relationships, to mix with other students and partake in student life because all the time he felt he shouldn't be there. Instead he turned to drinking alone in bars and in his room, forever beating himself up that he wasn't studying hard enough. He felt that the only way to reprieve himself was to get a first class honours degree. At the time the pressure was growing, the strain was showing and his grades were deteriorating.

Phil's self-esteem was non-existent and had been for many years. Phil managed to take his finals and managed to scrape a pass. His relationship with his parents was over. He had gone, in their eyes, to a second rate university and then had even failed at that. Phil thought he had nothing at this stage.

He managed to find himself a "boring" office job doing administration, which enabled him to buy a few things that he desired. He started to make relationships but found that whenever they became serious he walked away. However, the tide began to turn and Phil found himself in a relationship with someone who had had similar experiences. Before long they married and had children.

Only when Phil began to struggle to parent his own children did he understand his feelings of low self-esteem and how they had affected him all these years. He sort help and one of the things he did was to complete personality profiles on himself and his children. These revealed their fundamental differences and helped him realise what the difference between himself and his parents was - a difference in personality.

If only his parents had had the same information. A lot of struggles, anguish and grief that Phil had faced could have been avoided.

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