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The Change Cycle

Listed below is the common cycle of events involved with change.

 The first and most common reaction to change is DENIAL. If your child is in a state of denial you are likely to see him or her withdraw, become engrossed in the current school, nursery school or outside activities. In fact, anything which takes your child's mind off the subject of the new school. And your child may even go as far as blocking it out of their mind by closing down and refusing to talk about the future and his or her new school. All this is quite normal behaviour in relation to change, so allow your child to feel what he or she is feeling. It is temporary and will pass as long as he or she works through the feelings.

The second reaction to change is RESISTANCE. Resistance is not a pleasant experience and it can feel as though your child is really angry with you and that you are to blame. In addition to being angry your child may become anxious, be depressed, throw tantrums and accuse you of not caring and not understanding if he or she is resisting the change.

The next stage in the cycle of events is usually EXPLORATION. During the phase of exploration your child may be confused, and excited while at the same time slightly enthusiastic.

The last and final phase of the cycle is COMMITMENT. This is when the child begins to co-operate and focus on the "new " school. The child may begin to think about the new school and talk about the challenges and how the new school will be nice for him or her.

Actions to take during the cycle of events

 Listed below are a few tips and techniques to help you cope and provide your child with the best possible advice and support during the change process.

When faced with change, many parents think that what they need most is to get their child to co-operate with them. However, although this may seem like the best solution it is not the most effective approach in the long run. When a child is in a state of denial, or resistance or in the early stages of exploration it is really a waste of time to put too much effort into keeping the relationship really harmonious. Try to accept your child's response what ever it may be and allow your child to tell you in his or her own time how he or she is feeling. Children too need time to complain and assess their loss before they can trust and co-operate and work towards resolving the situation. If you want your child to open up to you then share your own experiences of how you would feel or have felt in the same circumstances. i.e. "I felt like this when..." "Is that similar to how you are feeling now?"

During the denial stage give your child lots of factual information. Let them know that the change is happening. Explain what to expect and suggest tasks they can take on to adjust to the change. Give them time to let things sink in and arrange "special" time to discuss the change rather than just dropping it into conversation. Listen carefully to what your child has to say. Acknowledge your child's feelings and respond sympathetically. Try not to talk your child out of their feelings or tell him or her to pull him or herself together.

During exploration concentrate on priorities and provide the necessary support and advice. Follow-up on the tasks that need to be done like getting school uniform ready or bus passes etc. Discuss any other things which need to be done. Try to involve your child as much as possible to make the transition into the new school as easy as possible.

During commitment set some long-term goals together. Acknowledge how well your child has managed the transition and reward him or her with positive daily comments not just material gifts. Keep looking ahead and being supportive of your child and his or her progress.

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